JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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