Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We have started to decorate penises.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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