I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Mom said you looked used
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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