he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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