i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
