this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
