so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
