Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
