went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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