Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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