sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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