i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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