Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize