I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
