brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
