It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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