OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
