I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
