I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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