so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
