The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
