i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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