Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize