Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
