Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
