theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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