...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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