i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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