never play flip cup with pint glasses
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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