Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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