what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
