Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
