NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
