that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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