I can text with my tongue
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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