I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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