just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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