I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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