I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
