Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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