Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's blow job season.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
