watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
