first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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Someone came in the potted fern
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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