my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
BRING THE BAGELS
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize