And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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