So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
