with your own penis?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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