I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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