fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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