i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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