And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just found a bag of teeth...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
