The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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