8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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