I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
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I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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