Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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