I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
