Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
