yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
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she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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